turning point.

I finally reached it. I’m there. It took long enough, but through the waiting I learned and grew immensely. And I hope that will continue.

I don’t feel a need to defend myself anymore. I don’t feel the need to try and prove anything. Maybe it’s because I realize now, that I can’t. And I really don’t have anything to prove. I’m not better than anyone else, I’m just as messed up as the next person.

I’ve hurt people. I’ve let people down. I’ve been a jerk. People can’t NOT be friends with me and not expect this to happen at some point. And I desperately need God’s grace and forgiveness, as well as friends that are willing to understand my failures, and help me live and learn from losses.

Believe me, I try to do what’s right. I try to admit when I’m wrong, and sometimes that is really, really, hard for me. But no excuses. Living while trying to justify all the places you went wrong is NOT living at all. It’s pretend. And I want real, authentic life. Even if it’s harder and a lot more messy than being perfect all the time.

So, now the ball’s in my court. I’m not sure what to do with it now. But whatever I do from here, wherever I go from this point, it won’t be fake. Or whitewashed.

It will be me. No strings attached. And I’m hope you’re ready.